Right now I'm sitting here in tears wondering what I'm doing wrong. My lovely AF cramps started yesterday just like they do a couple days before she arrives every cycle. I should expect to be blessed with her presence this weekend.
Life takes you on unexpected journeys and I never thought that trying to get pregnant was going to be one of them. Every day I see tons of people walking around with all their children laughing and having a good time. I also see tons of people that really shouldn't have children but are blessed with 6 or more. Where do I fit in? When will it be my turn? Why does this have to be so difficult? What's wrong with me? These are the questions that constantly run through my mind every second of every day. It really is starting to consume my life and I hate it!
On the other side I feel guilt...guilt for even "complaining" about this. I know I'm not alone in this and there are many others out there that can't have children or go through years of fertility treatments. Every day I think of all the women out there struggling and it makes me upset and MAD. Mad because I don't understand why God makes it so difficult for these wonderful couples out there. I guess he has a plan for all of us but a lot of times I wonder what he's thinking.
I continue to hold on to my faith and trust that God DOES have a plan for me and it will happen some day. It's just so hard to hold on to that faith when it continuously lets us down. Oh well...on to the next cycle.
4 comments:
Don't lose hope, I know it sucks! I hate CD 1 when I'm starting over again.
Lesli---I kept checking your blog for an update this past week. I'm sorry this wasn't your cycle! I know how bad it sucks! You should NOT feel any guilt though! Not at all...we all know how difficult TTC can be. Ok not all, but those who have had problems with getting pregnant. I know CD 1 sucks but soon it will be sex week...so have fun!!! ;-) I can't remember are you using OPK's?? Thinking of you!
I'm sorry that you're going through this. I am thinking of you.
Hey Leslie,
It is Jenn Myers...I just wanted to pop my head in and let you know that I am here to chat if you ever need to about the fertility stuff...Jeff and I have gone through it full throttle..I had to do IVF to have my son Jake...I had a miscarriage this summer using frozen eggs from Jakes cycle...and I am now pregnant and worrying again from a second IVF...People who have it easy will never understand the struggle and lack of control you feel...I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.
Jenn
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