Updates and going back to work

Last week was a tough week but in the end it turned out great. My last post talked about postpartum depression and I finally took the step and called my doctor. I was able to get an appt the same day I called. I was able to talk about my feelings to my doctor and she thought I was definitely in need of some help through medication and possibly through some therapy. She has me starting on Lexapro once a day. She expressed how nice this medicine is because it is fast acting. Patients usually see a difference in just a couple days instead of waiting over 6 weeks like most anti-depressants. I can honestly say that I am experiencing a difference in my mood already and kick myself for not getting the help I needed years ago. I always felt I struggled with depression dating back around when I graduated college....that was like 5 years ago. Anyway, I can't look back and wonder why I didn't get help but look at the positive future I will have now. I hope this brings happiness in all aspects of my life. Erik is excited to finally see me happy again so we can reconnect as a couple. I can't express enough to anyone out there that feels they are struggling with depression to GET HELP NOW! It was such a load off my shoulders to just make the call to get help and to admit that I have a problem.

I decided to start back to work earlier than I planned and my first official day started today. I plan to only come into work a day or two a week...the days that Erik is working at home and work a few hours at home when Erik is out of the house. Having the real estate taxes due this month along with paying off a $3k vet bill for Del's surgery, I needed to come back to make some money. I also have some lia sophia shows coming up which will help and I plan to really get this business up and rolling again. I feel motivated to be that top seller again!! : ) Anyway, I do feel lucky to work for my parents business because I have a VERY flexible schedule to work with plus my parents give me a lot of extra perks for working here. Gotta love that!! This way I don't have to put Keaton in daycare or have that extra expense.

Keaton had his first trip to church yesterday and did very well...slept the whole time. I was getting received into membership at Erik's church yesterday (I was taking classes to join his church) and decided to make it a family affair. I was nervous that Keaton would not do well but he was a little angel getting lots of attention from everyone. Below is a pic of his church outfit. So cute!

Could it be postpartum depression?

Not the title you want to see in a post but I need to get my feelings out and this is the place to do it. I struggled BIG TIME with my emotions the first 2 weeks after Keaton was born but I expected it since I hear all about the "baby blues" however the feelings are still there and getting worse every week. I thought that the "baby blues" were just lasting a little longer than normal so I waited it out. Now it is starting to get serious and I just can't keep living like this. I'm struggling to make that call to get the necessary help that I need...I've always been a strong woman and keep thinking that I can get through this on my own.

I miss Erik TONS when he is not here and dread the days he works out of the house during the week (he works 2 sometimes 3 days a week out of the house, the other days he is at home)...I just like having him here because he is great with Keaton and is always willing to give me a break when I need it plus I have someone to talk to. I wind up texting him all day long when he is at work because I miss him.

Now, I would NEVER hurt Keaton and I am putting my feelings aside when it comes to caring for him but I just don't enjoy it like I should. I expected a big life change but I think I am struggling with it being so drastic and quick. My other symptoms include: no appetite, constantly feeling nervous/anxious, crying at everything, feeling like a failure, and no energy.

Overall, I feel like a terrible mother and I know that I need to get the help I need. I hope to get this under control so I can enjoy life again with my family.

Back to Normal

Boy, I thought having help was going to be nice but after 2 weeks with the inlaws...it's nice to have the house back to normal. It was nice to have them here however Erik and I really are doing well and have a great system going here that we really don't need the help. My father-in-law and brother-in-law only stayed a week but my mother-in-law stayed an extra week. It was nice to have her take some late night feedings to give us a break but other than that we didn't have anything for her to do. She of course spent lots of time with Keaton but I do think she was getting bored after awhile. We did go on a few shopping trips to get out of the house and she was of course spoiling Keaton with gifts. : ) Now the house is back to normal and I am on my own again during the week but I enjoy it.

I had my 6 week post partum appt and all is well. My body is back to normal...YAY! I'm still keeping the weight off (I'm 18 lbs. less than I was when I got pregnant). The girls in the office were so happy to see me since we all developed quite the relationship since I was there twice a week the whole way through my pregnancy. They were so glad to see Keaton and he got all kinds of attention. This was also my FIRST trip out with Keaton by myself. I was very nervous but I did well and feel that I can start going places during the week with him to just get out of the house. He is such a good boy.

Keaton is starting to smile and it is the cutest thing EVER! I was trying to capture it with the camera but I keep missing the full smile so below are a couple pics of him in the process...lol! He is so much more alert now and staying awake more during the day.

We transitioned him to the crib last week and he is doing excellent. The first night in the crib he slept two 4 hr. stretches. The following night he went 5! He has no problems sleeping anywhere so that is a relief. We are just hoping to get that 7-8 hr. stretch sometime soon. : ) I'm not getting much sleep though because I am a worry wort and I awake to every tiny sound on the monitor. I will get better I'm sure but for now I wake up constantly.

Keaton is now wearing 0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers! He is getting so big. He is quite the eater, having 5-6oz every 3-4hrs. WOW! I was so worried that I was feeding him too much but he really does want to eat and he is MUCH more happy now that I increased the amount. I need to realize that what the doctors say about how much they should be eating is just an AVERAGE....every baby is different. The 4oz was just not cutting it and I know that the average baby is not having 6oz until they are like 3-4 months old but my son needs it now. He isn't spitting up or throwing it up either so I'm not over feeding. He is way more content so I know I made the right decision to increase.

Erik loves to read to Keaton so we made this a nightly routine before bedtime. It's so cute to see...Keaton actually looks interested most of the time too.

Let's see...what else is going on? Other news...Del is doing well and recovering nicely. He is walking on his leg more and more every day and I have been letting him out of his "doggie condo" for awhile each day. I can't believe it's been 4 weeks already...still have 4 more to go until he is considered to have a "full" recovery. : )

One Month

Where does the time go? I can't believe it has been one month already! Keaton is growing like a weed and eating constantly. We just had our one month appt yesterday and Keaton is weighing 9lbs. 10oz. Dr. was very happy with the weight gain and said Keaton looks fantastic. YAY! We were concerned with how much he wanted to eat and were worried that we were over feeding him however the Dr. said we are doing fine and to not worry. Keaton is taking 5-6oz every 3-4 hours totaling 31-36oz a day. Everything I read says that is what a 3-4 month old is eating but Keaton is hungry!!!! We try to hold him off even an extra 30 minutes to eat but he is just so upset...screaming and eating his hands so we know he is hungry! Dr. says to increase to 5-6oz at like 3 months but we were forced to do it now.

The inlaws arrived Saturday (8th) and things are going well so far. They are super excited to see Keaton and are loving every minute. My father-in-law and brother-in-law left already but my mother-in-law is staying until next Saturday to help out with Keaton. We decided last minute to get some pictures before my father-in-law and brother-in-law left so we went over to The Picture People in the mall to get some quick pics. They turned out GREAT! I know The Picture People aren't the best place to go but I really think that they improved over the years. Our photographer was fantastic...LOVED her! I will definitely request her in the future. Keaton was not real happy when we started taking pics (he was hungry) so a lot of them are of him screaming. She did catch a few pics when he would settle down for like 2 seconds. Below are a few pics from the session.

Happy Due Date to me!

Today is my official due date! Who knew that I would have a 3 week old at this time. Time is flying and I can't believe the changes in Keaton already. He is definitely putting on weight as he wants to eat constantly. Just about every 2 hours on the dot he is wanting more to eat...he eats about 3 oz at a time and sometimes even 4 oz. I can tell he is getting heavier and his newborn diapers are starting to get tight. My little boy is growing up so fast!! My mother-in-law is getting upset that he is growing so fast because she just loves the newborn stage. She is calling everyday to check on him but she will be here in a couple days to see for herself! : )

Random thoughts and observations

- Keaton is a very loud sleeper! He makes lots of grunting sounds and sighs all the time. I sometimes wonder if he has reflux since it sounds like he has crap in his throat constantly but he sleeps through it and doesn't seem to make him unhappy and he isn't spitting up much at all.

- Keaton is not a fan of swaddling. He really gets angry if you swaddle his arms. He has to have them out and you can see how he likes to sleep in the picture below. He also sweats a ton and I keep the temperature in our house very cold since I am an A/C girl. Dr said not to worry about it though...just don't over dress him and keep the temp comfortable in the house.

- Keaton is sneezing all the time. He definitely is daddy's boy when it comes to that. I hope he doesn't inherit Erik's terrible nasal issues.

- Keaton loves to go on walks in the stroller and rides in the car...he just loves to look around and eventually fall asleep.

- Keaton also loves his swing! I was worried that he was going to hate it since I always hear that babies either love it or hate it. He is content to just swing a look around in the swing for a good hour or so...he eventually falls asleep.

- Tummy time is going GREAT! His head is so strong and he already pushes hard with his legs to try and roll over. He comes close sometimes too! I'm thinking he is going to be an overachiever. You can see him trying to push over in the picture below.

- Erik is having fun reading to him already. Dr said that it is ever too early to read to your children and doing it now will help with his vocabulary later. Erik told me that he really wants to be the one who reads to him every night so I think it's cute!

- Erik has been absolutely WONDERFUL!!!! I could not do all this without him. He is so incredibly helpful and wants to be so involved in every aspect of Keaton's life. He is always helping with things around the house too...cleaning the house, making the dinners, yard work, laundry, taking care of Del, you name it! Not only is he doing house work, he is helping to feed bottles to Keaton, take shifts through the night so we each get enough sleep, reading to Keaton, playing with him, everything! I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. He gives me breaks all the time so I can get some things done that I need to get done. Love him!!!!